I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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