he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
