hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They should really pass out barf bags in church
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
