There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
