We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
