Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
