I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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