I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
