The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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