Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well you can't waste a boner
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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