She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
