No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
