I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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