Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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