Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
