Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
