I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
