dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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