So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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