I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
