Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
