Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
