you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
