call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
