ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
