if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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