Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
