My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
