It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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