he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
