I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
