Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
