so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
