So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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