wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
