...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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