I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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