He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
