soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
