Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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