Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
