My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
