where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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