so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
