wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
