i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
