I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just invented taco cereal.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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