I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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