Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
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