That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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