Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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