i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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