So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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