her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
